Concerning & Potentially Concerning Content

This book has a surprisingly high amount of concerning content from a Christian perspective. We will chronicle it here. We will start with the two major concern categories. First off there is an aspect of the storyline (his dad being a Deacon at a Catholic church) that is used to weave in a significant amount of irreverent content. There is also just quite a bit of this narrative that makes church and faith sound like nothing but a chore or a job (which faithful Christians will know couldn’t be further from the truth!). We will list examples here: A chapter is called “Attack of the Jesus Squirrel”. A squirrel that was living in the church eats the consecrated bread. The chapter explains that Catholics believe this bread has actually become the body of Christ at this point. Mom says, “The squirrel is now thirty percent Jesus by volume. It’s our new God”, to which dad says her name and “goes through the motions of being offended”. Mom says that when it comes to blasphemy, mom “has it down”. Simon’s dad adds on, “It’s the Jesus squirrel, and this is his Ascension”. Simon explains this is when Jesus ascends to Heaven, remarking “He always picks a Thursday to do this”. Dad, the deacon, is on the phone with a church member. He tells her, “I am taking it seriously”, but then he makes a “mock sign of the cross” at Simon, seeming to indicate he is lying. It goes on to say that “Dad is serious about this religion stuff, but he doesn’t take it seriously. Hardly ever”. Ash Wednesday is referred to as “A town wide spot check on who actually goes to church” Good Friday is called “the ever-popular think-about-suffering-and-feel-guilt service”. When a friend comes over Simon says, “His being here gets us both out of going to church to contemplate the sufferings of Jesus”. He also says that the family is “supposed to be abstaining, technically” from things, but they already weren’t doing a good job. On the possibility of dad, who helps run the church, being fired, Simon remarks, “Who else wants to do his job?” “Let’s just say it’s a good thing Father Kirk had already taken that vow of celibacy” A large church being built is called a “consolation prize” for someone who was unexpectedly not named bishop. “Because the Catholic church is just that twisted” We are told by Simon that a “liturgical director” is “like a wedding planner, but for Jesus”. About mass: “Usually people are barely awake” and “People at least pretend to be paying attention” (this is such a dangerous and untrue view of churches that are full of spiritual life) “In my family there’s no skipping mass. So here I am” (Note: We often don’t realize how potentially damaging of a thing these simple comments can be to the mind of young kids) At one emotional part of the story dad goes off script when giving his homily/sermon: When we ask what will happen - “Maybe Jesus can’t tell them… maybe Jesus can’t tell us… People we are on our own… We ask God why… maybe He can’t tell us. We only know He doesn’t stop it, never —” (again, think back to the light and cute cover). Again from Dad (the Deacon): “It’s not a blessing that my son was spared… It’s not part of some plan… There is no plan. Stop saying that”. “There’s a statue of the Virgin Mary… with a look like she’s trying not to fart”. Simon reads an article of an interview with his dad. He tells the young reader, “It’s basically my dad’s view about the downsides of things like miracles and providence. He comes down hard against them” (Simon seems very proud/happy for his dad about this, like he is some great rebel against something wrong). The second major concern category comes from the heaviness and mature content of the story, and in particular the fact that it will likely come as a pretty big surprise to the young reader (and us, their parents). This comes from the fact that this is a comedy-based book, but it also actually has a lot to do with the cover. The cover is fun and beautiful and very well done… but to us it gives no clue that this book deals with extensive and deep trauma and includes flashbacks to the event. Given the funny nature and fun cover here are examples of things we don’t see coming: “My friends — they’re all dead” The gunman “killed the teachers who were in the hallway” “Kicked open the first classroom door on the left” “He killed himself at the scene” We find out Simon was the lone survivor, but he did so by being the last kid on the bottom of a pile who were murdered. And a lot of content where we see through Simon’s eyes intense responses to his traumatic experience. A side character sibling is said to be wearing a T-shirt on which “a silhouette of Hogwarts is flying a Trans pride flag”. There is a chapter called “in which I meet a girl (not in a kissing-book way)” then another titled “in which our peacock meets a girl (in a kissing-book way)”. Then finally “in which I meet a boy (not in a kissing-book way)”. Simon tells his friend Kevin that his new haircut “looks cute on you” (fortunately this is never taken any further). There is also a super-confusing part at the start of the acknowledgements where the author’s oldest child is referred to as “they” (e.g., “They came home one day and perched themselves…”). There are also a set of comments that will really surprise parents. We will list them below: Agate asks people what the most disgusting thing they know is. In one Simon says that “Some undertakers put bras on the body before they embalm women. ‘Cause otherwise things go kind of sideways” (gestures here to explain) then “The smart undertaker uses duct tape”. Agate mentions she had one about “duck genitalia”, but Simon’s was better. In others we hear possums have “two penises” and “Rabbits have to eat their own poop to survive” (said to have come from “Ripley’s Believe it or Not”, so keep that in mind). Agate tells Simon about “duck penises”. Agape shares why they use a certain surprising chemical in perfumes: “because it smells like sperm”. “Like opera singers who’ve been kicked in the privates” In a list of strange town names the young reader will see “Intercourse Pennsylvania” “I think your peacock is sexually harassing me” “I start to get that horror movie feeling” “Reason enough to feed you to the lions or chop you up with a sword” Simon hears “sleazy brass music” and he identifies the song as “The Stripper” (to make it worse, his dad ends up being the musician). Simon shares that his peacock is near the end of what sounds like its mating season. He comments that “He’s desperate” and then tells the peacock, “Not if you were the last peacock on earth”. Soon after this the peacock sees a woman in the garden and we are told he “bu-girks like all the bu-gurking demons have risen from the pits of hell to turn the rivers to blood and eat bones of the earth” (yes, you read that right). Simon says “I have become very good at telling the truth in a way that’s super close to lying” (like that’s a good thing). Similarly mom “might not lie, but can definitely tilt the truth” (again, presented as a positive). Dad actually spells out the “S-word” curse word and it is shown in the bo A child uses “P-I-T-A” to very clearly signify “Pain in the A__” (not spelled out). Someone “flips him off casually” Mom says, “and best wishes to the door that hit you in the —-” She also comments, “You weren’t the only one who wanted to get the h-e-l-l out of Eagles Crest” In a surprising scene Agate’s dog goes over, opens the fridge, grabs a beer, pictures the can and drinks it. When Simon asks, she explains he only has one a day. After he finishes it and lays down the book says that “Todd is living his best life”. Simon’s mom’s employee is said to have gotten stoned. A character remarks, “all he needs is a drink with a little umbrella”. When choosing a movie Simon’s parents are said to have a collection of “classic horror” and “Twilight Zone” and “The Outer Limits” are mentioned as examples. They also bring up Harry Potter as a possibility. They decide on the movie “Contact” and quite a bit of detail is given as the movie is played (mention the mother dying very early on, for example). Later a character says “like we’re in a horror movie” and Simon refers to “Total zombie movie sound”. There is some “saint” (in the Catholic sense) content that many Christian parents will want to avoid, especially coming from a secular source: Simon on Saint Barbara: “used to be really popular because of the Catholic get-out-of-jail-free card. If you die while calling on Saint Barbara you won’t go to hell”. We are told Catholics “believe Saint Barbara can wield lightning. Saint Anthony can find things. Saint Joseph can sell homes… there are holy people in this world and some of them get post-death powers”. About another we hear, “she could fly”. Additional things to be aware of: The following things are referenced in the story: Minecraft, Beatles, Dragon Age, Assassin's Creed, Black WIdow, Black Sabbath, zombies, manga, Easter Bunny, The Outsiders (they watch in school), Avengers, Netflix, Jurassic Park, Nirvana, Santa Claus. There following terms are used: jerk, sucks, doofus, weirdo Simon refers to Agate as “fat in a ‘yeah,-what-about-it’ kinda way”. There are few instances where he refers to her as fat. Someone says they “invoke” a saint. A joke includes “up from the gates of hell” and “while also being stabbed in the chest”. A kid rolls his eyes when he sees his mom About a sister, “she’s the worst”. One girl sticks out her tongue at her sister. Dad refers to coffee as a “comfort drug” The following things appear: “Like cave people”, “like a drunk sailor”, “Dude, the hell? You crying?”. “I end up rereading Percy Jackson and wishing that I could binge a Youtube channel instead” (note: Percy Jackson is one of our avoid books, see the review for details) Simon says his mom looks like a “hungover vulture” says “Oh my God” and “Speak of the devil”. “Holy Cow” is also used. Mom tells dad he has to go somewhere he doesn’t want to and he just complies. Simon goes to reuse a book report from a previous year. He shows he knows it is wrong when he says his dad is away so he won’t know. There is a reference to singing a “trap song”. Parents allow a co-ed sleepover between middle grade kids, even sleeping in the same area unsupervised. Comes across as totally normal. The back has a reference to a Mad magazine articles and the author suggest readers “look it up if you can”. There are quite a few trauma resources in the back of the book that parents would certainly want the be with their children when using.